Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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