You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
