I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
