he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
They are going to name an STD after you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize