If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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