I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
