If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
