Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
