Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize