For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
