he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
