mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize