remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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