she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
