Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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