p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize