at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm getting married
To pizza
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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