the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
