So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
