Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
