at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
