You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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