I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
