Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
