you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I stole a fireplace last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
