God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
