We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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