You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
