FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize