woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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