Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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