no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
