the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
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