I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
