A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
