Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
