I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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