You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
