Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
its not stalking. its research.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
two words: eviction party
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
