The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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