I'm gonna have a badass scar
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
