Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize