It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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