I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
