you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize