it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
