Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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