Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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