I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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