The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
