New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
