we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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