She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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