I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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