A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
ok first of all what the fuck
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
