Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize