i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
