I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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