I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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