I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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