Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
