YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
