when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
