hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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