You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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