Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
