I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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