By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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