cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
