Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
