Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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