Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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