I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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