a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize