Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
