What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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