Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
