Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
