god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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