In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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