Christians are straight up FREAKS
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize