what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
