i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
