a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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