I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
