No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
