Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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