What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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