I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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