I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
