Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
