so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
