umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
