I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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