maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
