dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
