Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
