I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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