My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize