Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
