my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
